The Ring that Controlled Erections
From The Art and Popular Culture Encyclopedia
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"The Ring That Controlled Erections" (L'Anel qui faisoit les Vis grans et roides[1]) is the title given to a French Medieval fabliau, written by Haiseau.
At a mere 50 lines, this is the shortest of the narrative poems, but it manages, in its brevity, to take a humorous view of men’s erections, which, especially among younger males, often seem to have lives (and wills) of their own. Apparently, a follow-on story to a previously told tale, this narrative begins with the following lines, which identify the narrator:
- Haiseau has yet another thing
- to tell. A man once owned a ring
- which, when worn, by a magic spell
- at once would make his manhood swell.
Perhaps its owner suffers from erectile dysfunction. As he travels on horseback, he comes across a stream. Dismounting, he washes his face and hands. He also removes and washes his ring. When he leaves, he forgets the ring, leaving it upon the bank.
A bishop riding by sees the glint of the ring. Attracted to the piece of jewelry, he puts it on his finger. Immediately, his penis becomes erect and continues “growing” to immense “to find someone who could advise/ him how to bring it back to size.” size. Ashamed of his condition, the bishop nevertheless shows his servants “what hard luck mortifies and burdens” him, but none of them suspect that the ring has anything to do with the bishop’s problem.
The bishop’s penis continues to lengthen, “till it dragged on the ground,” despite that he is on horseback. It seems that his apparent erectile dysfunction now has been replaced with satyriasis--a condition in which the erect penis will not subside. The cleric sends his messengers “to find someone who could advise/ him how to bring it back to size.”
The man who lost the ring responds to the messengers’ announcement, and offers to help the bishop--for a price: the two rings the clergyman wears and 100 pounds. The bishop agrees to the man’s terms, and, when he removes the ring to hand it over, his erection subsides. Taking a jab at the clergy, the narrator implies that the bishop is glad to be rid of his momentary virility, just as the ring’s owner is glad to regain the sexual potency that has disturbed the bishop and which the churchman rejects: “wasn’t it a fair exchange/ when each was glad to have the change?”
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Original French text
- Haiseaus redit c’uns hons estoit,
- Uns merveilleus anel avoit ;
- Tant com il avoit en son doit,
- Adès son membre li croissoit.
- Un jor chevauchoit une plaigne
- Tant qu’il trova une fonteine ;
- Descenduz est quant il la vit,
- Et lés la fonteine s’assit,
- Si lava ses meins et son vis,
- Et son anel qu’il a hors mis.
- Quant il li plut si s’en leva,
- Mès l’anel seur l’erbe oublia.
- Un Evesque par là passoit,
- Si tost com la fonteine voit,
- Il descent et trova l’anel ;
- Por ce que il le vit si bel,
- En son doi l’a mis sanz atendre.
- Le membre li commence à tendre
- Quant il li ot un poi esté ;
- Et vos le Vesque remonté,
- A moult très grant mesese estoit
- Du membre qui si li tendoit,
- Ne n’aloit pas sans plus tendant,
- Ençois aloit tozjors croissant.
- Tant crus et va tant aloignant,
- Que ses braies vont dérompant.
- Li Evesques honteusement
- Montre s’aventure à sa gent ;
- Mès nul n’i ot qui s’avertist
- Que ce li anel li féist.
- Tant crut que li traine à terre.
- Par conseil comanda à querre
- Home ou fame qui li aidast,
- Et qui à point le ramenast.
- Cil qui l’anel avoit perdu,
- Cest merveille a entendu,
- A l’Evesque est venuz tot droit ;
- Si demanda qui li donroit
- Du sien si le pooit garir.
- Cil qui avoit trop à soufrir,
- Li dist tot à vostre talent.
- J’aurai dont, fait-il, par covent ,
- Vos deus aneaus tout au premiers,
- Et cent livres de vos deniers.
- Quant les aneaus furent fors très,
- Li membres est tantost retrés ;
- Ainz que cil éust ses cent livres,
- Fu li Evesques tot delivres.
- Et cil marchié fu bien seanz,
- Comme chascun en fu joianz.
Par Haisiaux, Ms. 7615, in Barbazan E. et Méon D., Fabliaux et contes des poètes françois des XI, XII, XIII, XIV et XVe siècles, Warée, Paris, 1808, p.437-438
Bibliography
References
The excerpt is probably a translation from Fabliaux: Ribald Tales from the Old French, there is a fuller tr. here[2]
See also
