The Session of the Poets, Holden at the Foot of Parnassus Hill  

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The Session of the Poets, Holden at the Foot of Parnassus Hill (E. Whitlock, 1696).

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APOLLO's Commiſion to the Nine Muſes, as follows, |

HE celebrated Apollo ſendeth Greet-

ing to our right Truſty, and well- *

beloved Friends : 'Whereas, as we

.are credibly inform'd, That certain

infamous Poets of late have too much abuſed

true Poetry, by writing ſeveral ſcandalous, im-

pertinent, and ridiculous Plays, Poems, &c.

upon full truſt of your great Prudence, Circum- - ſpeCtion, Fidelity, and Diligence, which we have

conceived of you, we do by theſe Preſents name, aſſign, conſtitgte, and ordain you our ſpecial

Commiſſioners,.giving full Power and Authority

unto you, of which number Thalia and Melpo-

zene.to be two, that you ftridtly and impartially

KF: > en-

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——— —

that they may be brought to condign Puniſhment, and you are immediately to proceed to the aCc- compliſhment and execution of this our Regal Commiſſion with all poſſible diligence, as we put our ſpecial Truſt in you, and as-you will anſwer the ſame at your utmoſt Peril.

© The Court being ſate, T. B. was firſt ſet to the Bar, who was order'd to hold up his Hand, and accordingly he did; He was Indicted by the Name of T. B. £6

"The Indiftment was read, as follows;

That whereas an open, notorious, and very infamous and deteſtable Civil War, -has been, and is yet ſtill carry'd on and proſecuted againſt true Poetry, and one T. B. late of the City of London, Gentleman, having no ſence of Honour, or principle of Honeſty, but meerly excited ana feduc'd by the Inſtigation of ſenſual Appetite,

-did [ without a black Deg in his Pocket } fre-

quent Taverns, Tipling-Houſes, &c, and whey the Drawer brings up the Reckoning, he ſends a Porter to his Bookſeller to redeem him ; makes

| him great Promiſes that he will make him amends I the next Copy he writes; and by putting theſe _

'Blinds fo frequently upon him, he deſigns to -make the Stationer as poor as himſelf; that he 'the ſaid T. B. Gid alſo ſfcandalize two Eccteſi- aſticks of the Church , whereof one of ther -was a true ancient Prittein her was, as' any now hving in Wales; and the other a Salamanca DoFor,

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enquire into the Miſdemeanours of the ſaid Poets,

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nay; 'the Ladies and Widows can't be quiet far bis unruly Pen ; beſides, he will make you five hundred Promiſes ere he performs one of them, in half a Years ſpace ; 'cis his uſual. praQtice., to leave his little Library inLimbo to pay his Cham- ber-Reat, and he has wrote ſeveral things that he is aſham'd to own himſelf to be the Authar of. | ks

How fay'ſt thou, T. B. art thou Guilty org not of theſe Miſdemeanors alledg'4 againſt thee ?

T. B. Nog Guilty, +, oo i 

Then the Jury was Sworn, whoſe Names werg as followeth, Thomas Critick,, Benjamin Saphead Fohn Longhead, William Studious, Ralpho Friendly, Fohy Goodfellow, William Courtly, $5 Blunder. buſs, Joſeph Petticoat, Peter Poor, Nathaniel Long. ſhanks, and Zacharias Rich. 3 Bn

Clerk of the Court. T. B. Hold up thy. Hagd. You Gentlemen of the Jury, that: are, Sworn look ypon T7. B. the Priſoner af the Bar, and hearken to his Cauſe, Wt eB

The-firſt Evidence that appear'd againſt him was Mr. Ingenuity, who declar'd, that he had Written ſeveral Scandalous Pamphlets, not ſyit- ing a Poet, who ſhould :have' more Sence- and Honour i him ; namely, The Salamanca Nuptialy the Perition of the Lagies for Hucharids, The Welch Levite toſs'd in a Blanket , The Widows humble Pe- tition, and a Book of Charafters againſt ſeyeral, of which one is againſt a worthy Yirzuoſo,: &o, tho? I muſt confeſs, { bating the ſcucrillous Ex-

preſſions] he has written ſome things OE '** | A 3 ' welt

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well Then one of his Bookſellers was calld in to give his. Evidence, whoſe Name was Wane- money. Ro, RES _ Conrt. What have you to alledge againſt T.B. Wantmoney. Why an't pleaſe you he has bor- row'd ſo much Money of me, that my poor Wife

and Family was forced Yeſterday to dine upag..

Shins of Beef.

_ Court, Pray, upon what Conſideration did he borrow that Money ?

"Pantm. He afſur'd me he would: ſuddenly write a Book and uſe me kindly for the Copy. I let hinr have a good Summ, and a Week after hettmportun'd me to lend him more ; fearing I ſhould” incurr his Diſpleaſure if I deny'd bim, 1

ranted his Requeſt, but I never had but one

Py from bim, which was call'd a Poem in praife of good-natur'd Ladies, but finding it ob- ſcene, I committed it to the Flames.

"Court. Have you any thing more to acquaint the Conrt with relating to T. B. Eo --Wantm. | have a Letter to ſhow he wrote ta me to borrow eighteen Pence, - | - Court, Clerk of the Court, read ir ont audibly,

Dear Mr. W, antmoney, : | Muſt requeſt one favour of you, to ſend me 6job- -1een Pence by this Porter, for I am now gt Din-

er with ſome very boneft Gentlemen, but ſuch is my hard misfortune, I have not one Souſe in my Pocket - 1 have a Copy by me which is juſt finiſh'd, and when "tis ready, becauſe you are a particular Friend of mine, -you ſhall have it cheaper than —_— by

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Wanm, For my part I never got the Copy, and was forc'd to put the eighteen Pence to the reſt of the Summ, which was but too bigb

unleſs he had been more mindful of the iſe he made me. CT ones

Clerk, of the Court. Call his Landreſs, Sem- ſtreſs, Shoovemaker, Taylor, Hoſier, Woollen- Draper, Fc. . 4 %- +8

Who all appear'd, and- the firſt inform'd the "Court, he was indebted to her three Shillings and fix Pence for a Fortnights Waſhing, which had been due: to her a quarter of a Year.” The Semftreſs teſtify'd, that he ow'd her ſeventeen Shilliogs and nine Pence for two Muſling _—_— and four Handkerchiefs, beſides being very civil to him one Evening ; the Shooe-maker declar'd, he was indebted' to him fifteen Shillings for three Pair of Shooes, due to him this Twelve-month,

| and three Shilliogs he lent hin npon a Proviſo, that he wonld write his. Wife a Copy of Verſes in praiſe of Matrimony. The Taylor teſtify'd, he was ipdebted to him for making one Suit of Cloaths, and for turning another Snic the inſide outward. 2

Clerk. of the Court. Pray call Mr. Exſy intg the Court, who appear'd accordingly,

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q:.2Gourts Well Mr."Eaſy, what have you to-ob- De againſt T7.B. AL\che Bar, look at. him nar- on are you certa in you' know. him ?

God knows, 1 and my Wiferknow him too > {he to our Sorrow. 1, Opurt. Pray Mr. Ealy give an account to the Jury what yon know of him.

Bale. This-is-the .knowledge. I have of him.

| 1 muſt acquaint,: this. Honourable, Court thar

T.B.. lode'd- at.,my.Houfe during the ſpace of two Years, /but never. paid me ope Farthing of Rent; and when I deſir'd my Spouſe to. turn him 3999, ſhe cry'd, Prithee, my Deary, why. ſo, he

8c oP handſome, civil, obliging Gentleman, and. to ſpeak my real Thoughts, I always found

his Cs very diverting ;: but. I- had no- Pa-

gience to . hear my Wife. commend. him at this 

extravagant-rate,. but told-him plainly, he muſt

rovide, hiaſelf anatber. Lodging,. for I would (+2. 81s bim-no logger under my Roof, let him - neſt|e., where he would, Accordingly ro fay that. for - him]: he took me at my word. I was the leſs. concern'd at his going, - by reaſon_I thought I. had ſufficient ſecurity. for my Rent, but when 1 look'd into his Cloſet, I found he had put a damn'd Sham upon my. Credulity, for he bad remov'd all-the beſt Books, and left me theſe precious ones following, wig.

'..T. An {calian Book in Oftavo in praiſe of Whoring. C.

2. A Datch Folio in praiſe of Drinking.

3. Six French Books in Duodecimo, one Con-

cerning the cunning Intrigues of the City Wives

of Paris: another relating to the Amours of the Durcheſs

| Dutcheſs of Kikeaobry, with- my: Lord Bunphe;

a third was a Receipt Book of my Lady Terma- gant's, uſeful for Families , direQting the good Wives how to: make the moſt ſovereign green Salve how to_'cure a cut Finger, or ſore Legs, wherein there was an approved Remedy againſt the biting of Fleas, and for prevention of Bugs, &c. Ny 4+ My Lard Rochefter's Poems. | 5- Selmon's. Cure of Lues YVenerea, Anglice French Pox ; and his Cure of moſt Chronical Di- ſtempers incident to Mankind. EE SIRE s. The ſcouring of Eccleſiaſtical Conſciences, with.:the anointing or ſpiritual Balm of Gilead; or a Sunday's Penitentiary Walk from Aldgate- Church to Weſtminſter-Abby. - A Manoſcripr.  : ' 7- An Amorous Dialbgue between Tallis and Ofavia,in Latin. And a very precious Book call'd, Aretine's Poſtures. With the Secret Hiſtory: of Dildo's ſo much in requeſt with the Lad— ___. 8. The dreadful Fight- between the Frogs .an the Mice. - YVirgils Gnat, and Ovid's Flea. Si Thomas X/oor in praiſe of Folly, The World ig the Moon; Foxes and Firebrangs 3, The Devils an Aſs ; Catullus Tibullus, with ſeveral ſia Latin Books, Hiſtorical and Poetical. The Art of making an Amour, or the moſt dextrons Me, thod of making .a_ City Cuckold, a Poem,-in anuſcript. A little Tra& how to cure Corn and Chilblains,with an Appendix how to preven Miſcarriages In the Female Sex. Pantagruet's Hy. porbeſis, teaching how to fly in the Air. - A._ Hi: ftory of the Pygmies and Myrmidons, engagin the Cranes. Wonderful Curioſities of Abel Fu. | ; OE ns oe CO

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OY ( 2 rojo, the Arabiaz Philoſopher, with a pleaſant Diſcourſe of Giges's invincible Ring. The plea- fant Hiſtory of the Tiras making War with the Gods, and how Pelion was flung upon Ofſs. The pleaſant Hiſtory of Reynard the Fox, and Tom the Tinker's Canfolation to his Wife For, upon the Death of Son Koger ; the _— of John the or non-per- formance of Family-duty ; a Manuſcript written in Burleſque. | And laſtly, another fair Manu- ſcript in Proſe, call'd, The way of Wheedling, or the Art of. borrowing Money, with deſign ne- ver to pay you agaln. .

Cure, Truly a compleat Catalogue of choice, learned, and ingenious Books. Mr. Eaſy, Have you any thing elſe to ipform the Honourable QuoeT?. © ff © Mr. Eaſy. No.

The Witneſſes that were brought againſt him having given in their Evidence, the Court ask'd T. B. what he had to ſay in his own Defence, as to theſe Matters objefted againſt him. He ſaid he would make his Defence, and deſir'd ſome Witneſſes might be call'd to teſtifie their Know- ledge, which was done accordingly.

Clerk of the Court. Call in T. B's Evidence. Mr. Lovehonowr «.. £09lng

T. B. Mr. Lovehonour pray ſatisfie the Court what you know of me. | :

Mr. Loveh. 1 know the Gentleman to be a Man of Sence, and has had the benefit and advantage of Academical Education, joyn'd to good na- tural Parts, which makes him the more accepta- ble. 1 know likewiſe he has Written, as well AS

ee ata ” E EIT ODS He” > ION p nur — A Re

| i(-g'F Ss a$ Printed, ſeveral Ingenious Pieces, and under-_ ſtands the French Tongue very well; ſeeing there- fore he has' theſe acceptable Qualifications to re-

commend him, 1 hope the Gentlemen of the Jury -

will not find him Guilty, ©.

Court. Is this all you have to ſay in his behalf}

Mr. Loveh. *Tis all that occurs to my Mind at preſent. F : fas

T. B. think what Mr. Lovehonour has ſpoken is ſufficient ; as for my being Indebted, that is but a -_— Peccadillo, that's a ſmall Favle that all the Chimiog Crew are uſually guilty of, there- fore as I am a Son of Apollo, that can't be juſtly alledg'd againſt me as. a Crime, for the buſinef I am try'd for is whether I am a good Poet: But however, ſince I have bin ſcandaliz'd' for making my Bookſellers poor, I'll call in one.E- vidence that ſhall bring proof to the contrary. Call Mr. Eatwel.' | I Clerk of the Court. Call Mr. Eatwel.

Eatwell. Here. I |

T. B. Mr. Eatwell pray: ſatisfie the Court and the Jury, what Money you have gotten by my Pampblets. JOnR - 4663

Eatw. Shall 1 acquaint them firſt how much Money you borrow'd of me? » OOO

TT. B. No, no, that is every way needleſs and impertinent. | |

Eatw. Gentlemen I muſt inform you, that ſince.

I have been acquainted with Mr. 7. B. I have

gotten 201. by Printing his Pamphlets, 54. I.

got by a Paper of Verſes call'd, the Caftration of 4 Buaker in Moorfields, for his having too excellent, a Faculty at propagating too many Teas and Nays.

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TB. Hold, hold. >

_ Caxre. Don't moleſt him, pray go on.

_ "Eaw. I publiſh'd another Copy of Verſes call'd, The Toung-Man's way of Courting a Folly Buxorg Widow, by thar I got 21. 5 5.

- . Likewiſe | publiſh'd another Paper of Yerſes, which expos'd the Money-Tellers from the Check to the Goldſmiths Apprentice, by which have. already got 3/7, 105. and | hope before have done I may get as much more: I had al molt forgot, there is moreover a Supplement call'd, The Art of Stock, Fobbing, from the Grave Alderman to the Officious Journey-man, with ſe- veral other choice Pamphlets too tedious to enu- merate. I hope theſe may ſuffice to give you a palfe af his Ingenuity. |

-.Coure. Have you any mare Witneſſes to pra- dice? if you have, let them be call'd. | '-T. B. I could produce more, but 1 hope theſe are ſufficient, therefore I ſhall call no more.

Then Mr. Laurel, Judge of the Court, having ſamm'd up the Evidence in a ſuccinft and learned Diſcourſe, deſir'd the Jury to weigh with Judg- ment what the Evidence had produc'd for, as well 23s abjected againſt T. B. and hring in-their Verdict accordingly. The Jury went out for a quarter of an.Hour, and brought him in Not Guilty.

• Upon which F..-B. return'd the Court his

hearty Thanks, and faid he would be very care- ful hereafcer co diſquiet the Court no more up- on any ſuch petty Brangles, for he deſign'd to t up a School to:teach Youth, where he would be Domini fac totumand by WilliamLily's Charter, Slaſh, Whip, and Quarter, 'where he won be

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countable -to neither Judge nor. Jury to me or pry into his proceedings.

Then T. D. was called to' the Bar, and the Inditment was read as followeth.

Whereas T. D. not being indu'd with this leaſt ſenſe of Hotiour; but being ſolely mox*d, and ſeduc'd by an infernal Inſtigation of- ſenſual Pleaſure, did frequently pawn his Cloak in Ta- verns-to get a good Dinner, not regarding that deference and reſpect which is due to the Dig- nity of a Poet ; and in defiance of his Renowned Patron Parnaſſus would be Ebrious, Whore, and fing obſcene Songs of his own-Compoſing, write fuliome and . nonſenſical Plays, and ſtarve poor Venter to keep a Foot-Boy dangling after him. He always Stutters but when he Swears, for he

never Ppronounces Damme ye Dog but with the

greateſt Deliberation : He has one more admi- rable Excellency, which is to make Panegyricks m his own Praiſe, and ſays all the Wits'in the Town are but Dor Quixors to him ; that" the Town is highly inamour'd with his Songs ihe will often tell -you how much fſnch a Lady, Dutcheſs, and Marchioneſs was raviſh'd with his ſweet Voice, when his hoarſe Throat coukd never recommend him. to -my Lady's Chamber- Maid ; but fometimes he will iogratiate himſelf into the favour of a Citizen's Wife, when her Husband is gone out of Town ; he Lever wrote a good Poem in his Life, except a fcurrilous one againſt a Reverend Doctor of the Church 3 my

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if his Foot-Boy asks him for a new Livery, he calls him Rogue and Raſcal, and turns him our of his Service. t

Clerk, of the Court. Hold up thy Hand, Art thou Guilty or not of the flagitious Crimes thou art accuſed? _ | T. D. Not Guilty.

Clerk:of the Court. Call Mr. Witty. Pray Sit give an Account of what you know as to 7. D.. Mr. Witty. I was acquainted-with him when he was an Apprentice to a Scrivener, and to my certain knowledge his Maſter was forc'd yery frequently to Baſtinado him for Scribling Non- ſence, and for being too familiar with bis Maids, for the Youth was ſo very ſweet upon them that he could not keep any of them long in his Houſe for the ſaid T. D. 23>

After he left his good Maſter, he muſt needs ſet up for a Wit, and he begins firſt with a Ballad called, The Beautiful Young Virgins Lamen- ration for the loſs of her Sweet-heart, for the Copy he got two Shillings dry Money, and fix Pence wet : After he had continu'd the -Ballad-Trade for ſome Years, he begins to aim at a Song; and I muſt tell you he had a notable way at Song- compoſure, for he fanſies he can do it as .well as any third Rate Poet in Town; for his Plays they were intolerable Jargon » indeed if epitomiz'd they might ſerve for ſome Merry-Andrew in Bay- tholomew-Fair ; for his Poems, his Bookſeller can tell you what Fuſtian they were, having ſold almoſt the whole Impreſſion for waſte Paper.

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Clerk of the Court. Call Mr. Littlewit, one of his Bookſellers, who appear'd before the Honour- able Court. * © |

Mr. Littlewis pray inform the Court how Mr. T. D's: Books ſold. |

- Mr. Littlewit. Truly very indifferently. The firſt Inducement I had to be concern'd with him, he wrote a Copy of Verſes which were ſome-

ing ſcurrilous, by which I gained 10. 135,64. but by his Books and Plays | loſt conſiderably, particularly by the Elegies he wrote, for I made waſte Paper of the moſt of them, in order to have it Damask'd, to put on the infide of Trugks. I have one Story to relate before this Honour- able Court, which, having receiv'd it from his own Mouth, deſerves the more eſteem from the relater. |

' Court. Aye, by all means, *twill be yery ac- ceptable. * | | $2.2 |

Mr. Littlew. You muſt know the laſt Summer he went to drink the Waters, and lodging where a Citizen had a very beautiful Wife, Mr. T. D.. ſoon. obſery'd it, and finding her ſomething good-natur'd and familiar, a more than uſual amorous Intrigue was ſecretly carry'd on un- known to the Husband, for ſhe admits him into her Bed, whilſt her Husband was gone a Hunt- ing. One Morning as he was going out he ac-. quaints his Wife he ſhould not come home to Dinner that day z upon which good News im» mediately ſhe gives the faid T, D. notice, that they might miſs no opportunity of fulfilling their. Deſires ; the 'Husband being gone, | he injoy'd. her with the greateſt tranſport, and-al _—_

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ntble AtisfaCtion, but her Husband. returning unexpectedly; finds the Spark in Bed: with his Wife ; be faid nothing at that time, but the next Morning he met T: D. at the Wells, where he Chaſtis'd him very heartily-: with, his Harſe-" Whip,' till tie cry'd out Murder,. andiproteſted he would never be concern'd more: with! his' Wife, and beg/d on his Knees that he would forgive him.' *Upon this counterbuff: paor Pill: garlick was forc'd to leave the: Wells; and the mrag'd Husband went home to chaſtize his Wife.

Clerk of the Court. Call Mr. John Mendclothes,

Pray Mr. Mendclothes what have you to ſay A- gainſt T. D? '

- Mendel. 1 have made three: Livery: Suits for his Footmen, but he never paid me for them, be. fides a Crown-piece- he borrow'd of me the. laſt time I was at the Tavern with him. 1 have no niore. to ſay.

- ClerR.of the Court. Call Mr. Diviſn 5ou the Law-" yer. |

Serjeant, Call Mr. Diviſion into the Court.

- Diviſion. Here.

Serjeant. Come into Court. _

\ Clerk of the Court. Pray Mr, Diviſion, what. have- you to ſay againſt T. D. ſpeak the truth, and -nothiag, but the very truth;:ſo help you Gad ?

Mr. Diviſion; About three. Years ago 'T. D.., imploy'd rhe as his Lawyer-in: a Cauſe depending between an old wither'd Crone and himſelf; for. which piece of good Service he never ſatisf} 'd; | me, tho' | got himoff by-a Trick- ': | vt

- ow: Pray telt us.the:caſs.. + 1 24

| Divi;

- Diviſion. 1 deſire ta be excuſed.

Court. No, you muſt tell it us. < Ea

D3vifion, This was the caſe: Abvit three Years and a. tialf ago, he was very familiar -with a wretched pliece of Mortality, Aged about giry five Years, upon this Proviſo, that the ſaid T. D. would write her two Songs, and fihg them to her fot an Hours ſpace for a Week together ; now the ſaid T. D. after he had got her Ho- neſty, he negleed his promiſe, vpon which an AQtion of Treſpaſs was Idid upon the ſaid T. D. for Raviſhing of the ſaid Old Woman; he ſent for me, and imploy'd me in this donbtful caſt as his Attorney, which t faithfully. proſecuted, and brought him. off with flying Colours; that is the whole Sutrim and SubZahce bf what I know of him. rs ed pom

Clerk, of the Chime, What have you' to ſay Mr. T.D. to theſe Matters alledg'd againſt'you ?

T, D. 1 have ſeveral things tq attedge-in my own Defence againſt whar they object; 'and at- cule me of, I have Sub pena'd ſeveral Perſons to come in and give Evidence on my behalf 5 bur they have fail'd me, therefore I ruſt make my own defenee, | ag nc

Firſt, As. to what Mr. Witty alledges, 1'46 hot much deny ir, but under favour in that par- ticular point wherein he reflefts on ny Wrt- tings, 1 thigk they are as. elaborately and care- fully written as any Poets in*Town, which-I am willirig to leave to the Arbitration of the Jury: As for Mr. Litlewit, my.. former Bookſelfer, 1 do ſay he is an errant Lyar; fot he has got much Money by file, particularly by a Song-t wrote

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in praiſe of the Tories againſt the damir'd Whigs,

he confeſs'd. to me. he got 5os. by it. I wrote

another Poem call'd the heneſt Whig, againſt the koaviſh, intriguing, raſcally Tor? which likewiſe ſold very well : Some it may be will ob. * jet and ſay, I am -Fack of all S;des, for indeed this .is a grand Miſtake to ſcandaſize me upon ſuch an Account; for *twas never known that a Poet ever troubl'd his Noddle much abont Reli- gion; for Lawyers and hungry Poets, Phyſicians, and Apothecaries, Snzday is always the beſt Day in' the Week with them for PraCtice and Study. And for the Pricklouſe Taylor, I can prove by all.the Footmen | ever kept, that I never gave them any Liveries, ſo far am I from giving them two in a Year [for you muſt know we Poets are ſeldom rich] for when egad | thought the Rogues wanted Cloaths, to ſave Money I turn'd them away;, therefore I hope the Gentlemen of the Jury will not believe this lying Taylor's Teſti-

Do OMe Mende. By the Oath I have taken he had

the Liveries of me, and I am told when they - were made up, ſoon after pawn'd them to a Broker for ready Cole, and ſaid he would be ſnare to redeem them again, as ſoon as- his next Play ſhonld come on tobe ated. | _.. T. D. By Fove, and all the Immortals, 'tis a notorious falſhood z but for what” Mr. Diviſrox alledges, I muſt own there is fomething of Truth ' in that. |

Then the Court 'Suram'd up the Evidence, and. the Jury going out a little to agree wpon their Verdict, brought him in Very

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Parſaant to the Commillon lately granted -b 

the great | Apollo; ro. the Nine; Muſes,,: youi-are {trittly to inquire into the df theancons of ſe+ veral other Poets,./that they-may;be brought:t4 condign Puniſhment. > 7t 50 you tt nonned . The Court being ate, Silegte:was made; and E.S. was ſet to the. Bar, who was order/d:td hold up his Hand, and accordingly he did; ;and was Indicted by the name of #5. of the City

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5nd Honeſty before him, but being excited by the Inſtigation of ſenſual Pleaſyre,- ome. Night-at Chelſey, after he had ſup'd, Cormorant like, des vour'd ay”. two pock'd Eggs; and got a-Mi- ſtriſs into the Play-Houſe with him; for atiothet to ſteal away from him ; that he-writes Drolis for Bartholomew-Fair, and Love-Lettets for. Maids Servants , Ballads for Pye-Corrier :4nd Lohdoins Bridge; that he will write an.'Epirhalamitm\on any Marty'd. Perſon to. get Half a Crown ;likes wiſe Dedicate one Book to 6; dozen; Perſons 5 He has bin very converſant and familiar with moſt of the Priſons about. Town, and will tell you - with.a great deal of pleaſure, that he has bin Atrefted above a hundred-rtimes ; ſome Attions for detaining poor Servants Wages, and ſome for

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running 2 long ſcore for Belly-Fimber, [for you muſt know he has a ſwinging Appetite}; like- wiſe for being too familiar with his Landlords Daughters, and ſometimes with his loving Land- lady, &c. He admires the Perſians mightily, for be loves to Worſhip the Riſfing-Sun, he loyes to run with the Current ; in one King's Reign he - inveighs againſt Popery, and in another Princes he is: for it, hafterox proteron, back-ſtroke and fore-ſtroke, juſt as'ſerves his Intereſt ; when he borrows Money he ſwears by the Living God, he will return it again by ſuch -a time, but he'll be fur&to fail you/; 'and tho' in an inſtant after an hearty Supper he will ſwallow down a prodigi- gus.quantity- of-poach'd Eggs, yet he will tell you he was five Hours eating of them ; if you diſcourſe 'bim about a Play that is to be Atted, he'll acquaint you he deſigns it far an Opers, will tell.you the number'of the Scenes, what Habits are \propereſt-'to be worn, what Attors, both Men and Women, mult be concern'd in it, what Fireworks, Songs; &c. and will mortifie you a Idng/Hour in the telating it, and ſpeaks ſo con- founded Joud, that were-you ſtill near the obſtre- perous ſound, you muſt ſhut your Ears,or elſe the terrible. noiſe wonld' incommode you as much as the Catarafts ofthe River Nils, When E.S: ladg'd near Wild ftreet, about half a Year ago, he hir'd a Perſon to tranſcribe in Capital-Letters over the Door, theſe words following. |

Here

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SE; Fee... Here yeu may have Love-Letters written, either for Male or Female, Letters from:a Son to 4 Father, and from: a Parent tb: his Son; Amorous Letters, or Love-Epiſtles, from a ſparkiſh Gallant to" his Charming Miſtriſs ; Petitions to the Treaſury for Mo- ey, Petitions to Courtiers to procure Places at Court, Petitions for Mechanicks 10 get their Moneys from Perſons of Quality.

Inquire for his Lodging up three pair of Stairs you may kuow -further. © by

Clerk of the Crown. How fai'ſt thou E.'S. Art thou Guilty of the Miſdemeanours whereof thou ſtand'ft Indifted, or not Guilty ? RT

E. S. Not Guilty, *' 247 7M;

Clerk of the Crown. How wilt thoy be try'd?

E. S. By the Nine Muſes. es. > FaeS

| Clerk of the Crown, Great Apolts ſend thee” 2 good —_ ka CN 1s

E.S$. I hope the Honourable Court willa -allow me Counci}; "# is uſual in ſach caſes. 2c?

Court. Youſſhall have Conncel afſign'd You. X

'Then Cotiiſellor Gripe faſt appear'd for 'E.S.

and ſpake as followeth. © ON . Counſellor Gripe-faft. I'am afſign'd of Councel . for E. $. and 1 hope there is nothing 1 hall ay in defence of my Client, ſhall be conſtra'd hy any in an-i}}/ ſence. © He ſtands'indifted by the Name of EE. S. Gentleman, for being Gailty of ſeveral Mifdemeanours, which do not appear of -preat moment and confequence, relating only h B3 19

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to hungry Belly, Drolls in Bartbolowew-Fajr, E- pithalaminms, Ballads, Borrowing a little Money - row and then of a Friend, and by reaſon of his © Neceſlity, not ſo: yery punctual in repaying his Debt according to promiſe, which: if:a Fault is eſteem'd but a ſlender one in-a Wit,. who is very frequently put to-his Shifts, and is forc'd to try all ways imaginable to keep a_few.Pence in his Pocket, which. his Landlord, and a great many other Debfors are ready to receive, before it reaches. his Hands. muſt acquaint the Honour- able Court, that this Author, | ſetting aſide ſome little lrregularities, which. 1.cannos wholly ex- cuſe ] applies his Muſe chiefly to Tragedy, wherein I muſt confeſs he has beea' Tragically dealt withal, by, one. who.was but too Tyranni- cally inclin'd to thoſe who.. gave him the leaſt diſtaſt : But Time has. its changes, and he has liv'd to ſee bis Enemy, humbl'd, 1f I may not fay juſtly puniſh'd for thax and other Crimes which have. been Jaid+to his charge : Let not therefore any one animadvert- too ſatyrically. upon my Clients: faults, but without making any ſarcaſti- cal RefleCtions upon bis ,Poetical Genius, I muſt acquaint -you that . he ' has written Nine Plays, which have bin receiv'd upon the Stage with good Applauſe; and Copies of Verſes on ſeveral Sub- jetts,. both in. Verſe and Proſe, tho. lam afraid Tome of, them will not. much advance. his Repu- tation-z but not knowing. exaftly. what he has, wrote. upon- ſuch Subjetts, I ſhall omit. further mentioning .of them, .I hope the Honourable Court will have tender Sentiments.of ; E:.S. not- withſtanding his little Extravagancies,, for never

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was there: ſuch freedom. and liberty of Debate and Argument as now, and we are very heartily thankful for it : He is a well-wiſher to- the- Muſes, and deGgas to die in their Service z there- ' fore I hope he will receive the more favour at: their hands.

_ Court. If E. S. have any Evidence to appear in his behalf, let them be call'd.

Conaſ. Gripe-faſt. The. warning.was ſo flen- der he conld- not poſlibly have time to get his. Evidence ready ;z but I hope what I bave alledg'd on his behalf, will ſatisfie the Honourable Court as to thoſe Crimes that are alledg'd againſt him, that he is not ſo criminal or black a Perſon as the Inditment would really repreſent one of his Character to be. | |

Court, If any Evidence had been ready upon your opening the-Cauſe, as his Councel Mr.Gripe- faſt, to have teſtifi'd cheir knowledge of E. Ss. it would have been-the more ſatisfatory: to the Court 3 'but as none appears for, ſo | perceive there are none who, came in againſt him, ſo that, upon your particular Charatter and Knowledge, ſeeing he is a Son of the Muſes, his Crimes will, be admitted by:the Honourable Court in the moſt favourable ſenſe, provided he behave himſelf hereafter as a true Son of Parnaſſus, and no more Complaints of the like Nature diſturb 4podo, nor the Divine Muſes in their exalted Cantem- Plations. > - Then Mr. Laxrel, chief Judge of the Court, ſumm'd up the Evidence in a'conciſe and pathe- tical Speech, wherein he put E.S. in as clear a' Light as poſſible, That they might-view his Im-

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Perfedtions, as well -as commendable Qualities, that the Jury _ have the better Light for to- bring in their Verdi

The Jury went - for about a Quarter .of an Hour, and brought him in Not Guilty.

E. S. return'd his hearty thanks to the Ho- nourable Court, and ſolemnly proteſted he would behave himſelf orderly and regularly, as a Son of the Muſes ought to do ; and that he would not create any further diſturbance in the Territories of Parnaſſa; ſo help him Supreme Jove, and the reſt of the Celeſtial Divinities, Inhabitants of bright - Olympus.

The Court being ſate, proceeded in this man- ner to the Tryal of E,R.

—_ Make Proclamation.

All manner of Perſons concern'd at this

| Seflions, draw near and give Attendance.

Then the Grand-Jury were cal'd, Appear- ances mark'd, and Witneſſes Sworn, to give E- vidence upon a Bill againſt E. R.

Then the Priſoner was brought to the Bar, who was thus Arraign'd.

Glerk, E.R, Hold up thy Hand. Which on did. -

- The Indidtment.

You ſtand Indited by the Name of E. R, Gen- tleman, a well-wiſher to the Maſes, and one who with the Vulgar ſort paſſes for a Writer, tho? [with ſubmiſſion to this Honourable Court}, he may rather be foiſter'd among the number of Wit- ColleAtors : And as I have hitherto dealt impartially in drawing up each Perſons IndiQ--

ment ;

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rient; ſo I muſt perform and purſue the ſame Method, that I may maintain the. Chara@er of Impartial to which I claim an Intereſt. I muſt therefore -pull off -his pretended Diſguiſe, and. . diſcover to you the Politick Plagiary that lurks under it. 1 know he has made it his chief bent and Study to ſhew himſelf Maſter of the Artof ſwift Writing 3 and would very gladly perſwade the World, that what he writes is every Syllable ex tempore Wit, and dextroufly tranſcrib'd with a running Pen. But we doubt not to-make it evident, that tho* he wou'd be thought to imi- tate the curious Silk-worm that Spins its Web from its own Bowels; yet we ſhall make him appear like the Horſe-Leech, that lives upon the Blood of Men, drawn from the Gums, and when he is rubb'd with Salt ſpues it up again ;: ſo that

• tts plain, that this Rickety Poet | tho' of 1

many Years continuance] cannot go without the afliſtance / of others. To prove this, we ſhall give you an Account by an Evidence or two.

- Solicitor. Call Monſieur Daille and Monſicur Colbert, Monſieur Daille, What do you know touching the Priſoner at the Bar ?

Mr. Daille. | have been acquainted with the Gentleman ar the Bar for ſeveral Years, and have correſponded with him upon the ſcore of French Plays, which he was very covetous of, and have: | ſold him ſeveral: I ſball inſtance in ſome few, Molieres Plays, Corneilles Tragedies, Les Contes a

Owvile, Les Cones de Monſieur dela Fontaine, which 

makes me apt fo believe, that :the Gentleman borrows in. his-Plots ; and that his own Genins #5: either lazy, or very barren of Invention, ang.

IEG that

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a. 28

that his Noddle is:not ſo exuberant in Fancy as--

he would have the World believe it is.

Mr. Sollicitor. Monkeur Colbert, What have you to, acquaint this Honourable Court with in relation to this Gentleman. |

Monſjeur Colbert. Being a French Bookſeller this Gentleman has frequented my Shop for ſome time, and I obſerv'd him to be very inquiſitive after French Plays; and deſir'd me nat to fail to give hjm notice when any. new: ones came over out of Holland; and truly he has been a good Cuſtomer, having taken of his Money ſeveral times upon that ſcore, both for French Novels, Poems, and Plays ; he bought Monſfteur de Pour-

ceaupnac of me, Scaramouche, Rapins Plays, Four-

berries de Scapin, likewiſe ſeveral Opera's, and Tragedies, which | have now forgot the Authors of: Yo that upon the whole 1 am apt to believe, that few of his Plays are the genuine QfF-ſpriog of his own Brainz and we may rather reckon him the Midwife than the Parent of thoſe Plays which go under his Name; for I. am cre- dibly inform'd; his Cuſtom is to. ſweep clean, and leave nothing behind him, for what-he leaves of one, 'tis uſual for him to take into another Play ; but there is one damn'd Humour the Man is poſleſt with, tho' he borrows a whole Rlay, yet nothing is own'd by the Author,- which. ſort

of unhandſome, ſhuffling Dealing favours of the higheſt Ingratitude : One Play of his call'd Dame Dobſon, or, The Cunning Woman; but in French.

Le Devinereſſe, ou les faux Enchantemens, tho' very much applauded and follow'd in ' France, as the

Epiſtle to the Original infarms me, yet was

dama'd

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damn'd in its Atting at the Theater. I ſhall con- clude my Evidence of Mr. E, R. with Mr: S. his

Opinion, late Poet Laureat of Plagiaries 3 * If

1 (fays he) candidly and ingeniouſly - confeſs © my Theft, and am aſham'd on't; tho' 1 have © the Example of ſome that never yet wrote a « Play without filching moſt of it 3 and (like

• Men that have got ſuch a ſtrange propenſity

< and inclination to Lying till they believe them- i ſelves) at length by continual Thieving reckon <« their ſtoll'a Goods their own too ; which is fo © ungenteel and- ignoble a thing that I cannot © but believe that he that makes a common <« practice of ſtealing other Mens Wit, would if

• he could with the ſame ſafety, ſteal any thing

© elſe that he could handſomely. get to, which &« lies in his way; I think this ſharpnveRiive of

• Mr. S. redoynds but very little to E. R's. Cre-

dit, with which ] fhall Summ up my Evidence at this time. - - n

Having given in their Eyidence-the Jury with-

drew to conſider of iheir Verdi&, and after a -

quarter of an Hours ftaying out, return'd,. and gave in their Verdict, Clerk, Gentlemen, are you all agreed of your

. VerdiC&t ? |

Fury. Yes. | Clerk, Who ſhall ſay for you ? Fury. Our Foreman. 24464 8 * * Clerk, E. R. Hold-up thy Hand (which he did) look upon the Priſoner. How-{4y. you; is: be guilty of the Plagiary whereof he ſtands In- dicted, or not Guilty ? AH . Foreman, Guilty»

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In the Afternoon the Court being ſate pro- ceeded tro the Tryal of P. M.

Make Proclamation. AT

Cryer, All manner of Perſons concern'd at this

Tryal, draw near and give Attendance.

- Then the Priſoner was brought to the Bar, 

who was thus Arraign'd.

Clerk, P. 34. Hold up thy Hand, which he did, Hear your Indictment read., I

The Indidtment.

You ſtand here Indifted by the Name of P. AF, Gentleman, a great pretender to Poetry, whoſe Wit is ſo deeply conceal'd in his Pockets that no Body-can find it : Like /£/op's Bird he makes himſelf fine with the Feathers of other-poor Birds, with which he ſtruts and looks. as big as the Grand Seignenr in his Seraglio of Women at Con-

ftantinople : He is but a ſmuggler of Wit, and *

ſteals moſt confoundedly, but pays no Cnſtom for his ſtoll'n Wares: He makes Verſe his pe- culiar Province, but had never Mercury enongh to compoſe one tolerable Diſtich. He is always Conning or Scribling, but moves as ſlowly as old Hobſon the quondam Carrier betwixt Cam-

bridge and Londen, as if he had ſome ponderous *

Lead-weight at his Heels, like a dull Aſs he is "conſtantly loaden with a huge bundle of Papers, and as true a Drudge as any Hackny poor Scribe about the Town; he is extrteamly conceited of his own performances 3 he deſires no favour, and expe&s what drops from him ſhould be cre. dited- before the Delphian -Qracle 3 he hates any one ſhould deal plainly with him, / and loves Flat- tery

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tery 2s much as a Court-Lady; the- Counting- Houſe ' and Shop is much frequented by him,

where he enters himſelf a Son of Parnaſſus, and fancies his Divine Raptures the fitt>ſt Preſent and Offering for the Muſes 3 he abhors the Name of 2a dull Mecanick, and reſolves to be free of Ely- zium ;, his Head is ſtuft with Sonnets and Novels, Madrigals and Riddles, Acroſticks, Funeral E- legies, Epithalamiums, Odes, Anagrams, dull Epigrams, Paſtorals, and the like Amorous Toys, wherewith he is ſo well ſtor'd that he can furniſh you in an inſtant. He can give you an t Ca- talogue of Apolls's Sons, what good Succels they meet with in their- Plays, and who of them

comes off with weeping Croſs : He will diſcourſe

much of the Wits, and tells you he can't but - reſpeCt them, by reaſon they pay the ſame defe- rence to him and his Writings, otherwiſe he could expoſe them as very Dunces and Block- heads, who underſtand very little Sence, much leſs can they pretend to Poetry, but out of Gra-

titude and Compaſſion he will not be too Satyri-

cal againſt themz once a Monrh 'ris cu |

with him, Cobler-like, to vamp up. ſome ok Lumber at the Bookſellers Charge, of tranilated Odes, Elegics, -and Epizrams,. intermixt. with ſome heavy Ballaſt of Proſe, for which he expect Harrangues and Encomiums: from Prentice- Boys and Tyre-Women who are very fond of ſuch ſort of Ware; for Trumpery with them gains the

. Eſteem of Wit, . being wholly Strangers to what

is better. His Pockets are always ſtufft-with Rhime and Nonfence, and his. Tongue lke- a Mill-clapper never ſtands ſtill, but is eternally

| tearing

(28) bearing and tormetiting you. No Stationer that he deals with bout is ruin'd by him, and Men avoid him as they do the Plague, for fear of the Epi- demical Infeftion which attends it. He is the' ruine and bane of Converſation; by reaſon of his clatnpering Tongue eternally ſounding in your Ears ; he is the plague of the Preſs, and at laſt the raine of his Bookſeller : So I leave him in full expeCation of gaining a large” Jointure out of Parraſſis, which T wonld have him to Culti- vate and make his beſt of, which happineſs I be- lieve no body will enyy him, bat Ns him hug himſelf with the Conceit of, tho” it proves in concluſion but. like the Cloud ' which amorous Jopt 10 eagerly embrac'd in lieu of a Subſtance which he expected to enjoy; but a Chimerical Fancy muſt have ſomething to bnoy it vp, tho” it by as fleeting as the Clouds which poſleſſes the

ind with the imagination of a Felicity which 1s a5 empty as the roving Fancy which firſt bred and' created it : As for Comedy (tho' vain and ambitions enough) he dares not aſpire to it, for he conld never ont of his little ſtock furniſh him- ſelf with Plot and Charaters to anſwer any tol- terable Model; and the Converſation he keeps bring generally mean z he is at ſo great a loſs for Humour, that the utmoſt Inftru&ion he can ar- rive at is only to jumble out ſome little diverting Fancy which may ſerve a Puppet-Shew , or 2 Merry-Andrew at;Bartholomew- Fair, which I leave

im to improve and make his beſt. of, it being the: higheſt flight which we can expe@ that his Pen-feather'd Muſe is ever able to carry him.

Cryer,

" (29). Cyer. What fay'ſt thou P. 2, art thou Guil- ty or not? | P. 21. Guilty,

The Court being again fate, A. O. was com- manded to be fet to the Bar. |

Then the Names of the Jury, that were Im- panelyd for his Tryal were ok over, which were as followeth, VIZ,

Thom. Woodhewiſe. Gideon Moroſe.

Rich, Ticklefa Solon Rattlepate.

Hen, ' Nunbſeatl, Will, Troubledifcomrſe. Jo. Selfconceit. Franc. Brainleſs. Giles Snarlarmit. Edw. Prateroomuch, -þ Teffery Spoiljeaſ. Mat. Hardropleaſe.”

Clerk, of the Crown, Cryer, make Proclama- tion.

Cryer. All manner of Perſons chat have wy thing'to ſay againſt the Priſoner at the Bar, lee them come in and inform the Court thereof, and they ſhalj be Neard.

Conre, Clerk of the Crown, read the TOY ment.

Clerk of the Crown, 4.0. Thon ſtandeſt hefs | fndifted by the Naime of 4.0. honuncale,” for that thon. (being of a Heterogeneous Birth, be: tween the Simian and* Bantam Races) haſt, is EC mulation of 'Mankind, the Darling of the Gods, prefamptuonſfly aſpir'd , without 'Licence or Warrant from Apollo, Minerva, _ or- the Mules, to mount the ſacred Hill of Ah, 7, and thrult thy impure Fiſts into the bleſs'd Streams of He2

licon,

ay po " re c FO urn de” 3 Ib TR LE, B 5 FIRES BF Ss _ > . £* ( 1 ) 3 .

licon. Since which thou haſt alſo (malitjouſly, in deſpight of thy Stars, and mavgre the cer- tain knowledge of all Mankind to the contrary) | pretended to be Inſpir'd, and impudently rank'd- thy reptile-dande-prat-ſelf among the. celebra- ted Poets of the Age ; whereas vile Poetaſter as thou art! thon haſt only ſcribbled two-penny. waſt-paper Pamphlets for Half-a-Crown the Printed-ſheet, to the inevitable deſtruCtion , of the Engliſh Ballad-ſtock. Moreover, to wriggle and infinuate- thy Aſthmatical, Cammel-back'd, contemptible Corpuſculum into the good Opini- on.of overgrown, tumeſiid, Ale-wives, and nau- ſeous, ſulphureous, belching Agqua-vite Women, that thou mayſt with the more freedom, and lefs reluctancy tick for their Liquors, and borrow. their Money : Thou. doſt inſolently pretend to be Tutor to that Lord, and t'other Lady of Qua- lity, for the French Tongue; and that a certaig , Perſon of Honour has put thee upon Writing the Amours of Monſieur /V. and Madam /.. by way of Novel, for which chou art to be paid forty Crowns upon finiſhing the Copy ; where- as.in verity there is no ſuch Deſign in being, but a meer fiftion to delude thy Hoſteſſes. Then as to. thy Morals and Manners (as if thou had(t been born at Apeſpill by Gibralter,. and receiv'd thy Education with To: Dove at Baily's Academy on the Bark, fide) thon art ſo iraſcible, obſtrepe- rous, troubleſome, affronting, contradiftory, and abuſive, and at other times ſo ridiculouſly af- fefted in thy Grimaces, and. nauſeous fawning upon every one in Company, beſides thy hypo- critical, often-repeated Ejaculations in thy Caps, taat

7"

TU a8 hath I Ee ae Re ao en ne © > pt ES ee" 4 CE, Rr We le EIS E 4 © 5 tas _ ( bd b 7 ? e 1 1, : J ? Dot

that thon art the bane of: Gaod-fellowſhip, and . ought'ſt-to.be ſpew'd out of all Ingenious Con-' verſation. | ee Saps'5 The Summ of the Inditment being thus. read, the Clerk of the Crown proceeded to Arraign the Priſoner after this manner. _ 2 "Clerk of the Crown. A. O.. Hold up thy. Hand at the Bar, (which the Priſoner did accordingly ) - Art thon Guilty of the Crimes and Miſdemea- a—_ laid to thy Charge in. the Indictment, or not SER. i A. O. Not Guilty. | | Clerk of the Crown. Cryer, make Proclamati- on for_the Evidence to appear, and give intheir Teſtimonies apainſt the Priſoner at the Bar. -.- Cryer. All manger of , Perſons, thar have any thing to inform the Court of, touching the Pri- ſoner at the Bar, let them draw near, .and give their Attendance, that they may be ready to te- ſtifie their Knowledge when they ſhall be called by the Court. | $4 Mr. Attorney General. May it pleaſe the Se- rene and Honourable Judges of this Court, and obſerve you Gentlemen of the Jury, that for the eaſe of the Court, and the better diſcharge of my Duty in. this Tryal, I (hall ſumm vp: the. , whole Charge of the Indiftment againſt the Priſoner at the Bar under. theſe Heads follow- Ing, VIZ, | 5x Firſt, That the Priſoner at the Bar, is an Ho- muncule, below the Standard- of Mankind, 6f a Heterogeneous Birth, and Preternatural Race. |

C Secondly,

93k Sit He en ni et te CES et Be RY Ste F-18048 Tf. Pr eg Sg ALS A» I" £5 thy 4 4 a , - , o WET”, 362 - TL 4 oQ

$ ( 42 ) . Secondly, That he prefumptiguſly, withoy Warrant, and -againft his Stars, ſets-up- for a Poet. | : Thirdly, That be hath (by colour of ſuch his Pretenſions) ſcandalouſly run in Debt with Ale-- Wives and Agqua-vite Woinen for their Liquors,

beſides borrowing Money of them. |

Fourthly, T hat he is as Soapping, Snarling, and- Grinning as a Monkey; as Ejaculative in his Ebriety as Mother Coney the quondam Religious Bawd ; and by his- brutiſh Paſſion, the bane of good Fellowſhip. —_

Which four -Articles I ſhall prove in Order, and firſt as to the firſt, Cryer, Call-Dr. Prome- theus the Man Midwife. ? | _ *, Dre\ Prometheus accordingly appear'd ,- and was Sworn. O 2.1 [1 12-4

Attorny Gen, Dr.' Prometheus,, Pray give the Court an Account of what you know, as to the Shape and Race of the Priſoner at the Bar.

Dr. Prom. (May it pleaſe this Honourable Court, / the Goddeſs Zxcine being inauſpicious at the time of the Birth of the Priſoner at the Bar, I was calld to afliſt'at the Delivery ; his Mo- ther had a_hard Labour on't, but by my help ſhe was at laſt ſafely Delivered. The Birth in- deed was fo unconth, that by the Verdict of the Goſhps there preſent, it had lik'd to have been drown'd, according to the Cuſtom of the Chz- neſes in luch caſes, had not the over-tenderneſs of the. Mother to her Off-ſpring, by her Prayers and' Tears- prevented it. £7,

Court,

ies ers ho diode A CIS ICS es AE See. LI; es, B F 4: «35. fas : 4 : & TH IT 0p EOS De Sette, i a bs - [ x ” ry % . by £ 'F EO, x « i -

"EB p - Court. Pray Doctor, what Opinion had yeu of the Matter-? Which fide was'you uf ? Was you for drowning, or ſaving? A 15 gon Dr. P. Upon a ſtrict ſurvey of- the Birth, I - found the Face ſomewhat reſembled rhat of an Ape, and that the Body was fo minure that ic ſcarce reach'd the Stature of the leaſt new-born' Bantamite z.but, yer 1 muſt needs ſay, taking it

' all together, it was not unlike to humane Shape ;

which I inform'd the Mother of, to her no little ſatisfaction. Beſides, I farther told her, that I believ'd her Son was like to make as good a fi- gure in the World 8s the little wither'd fac'd - Captain I have read of in Homer, by the name of Tidins, fo much prais'd ( by that Learned Pen) for his Valour, who was notwithitanding, ſuch an extraordinary diminntive Dwarf, that Virgil in his Priapeia ( amongſt his Epigrams ) ſeems to make him bur juſt 'as high as a Man's Catzo is long, in this Diſtich.

Ae miſerum lepidas fallit menſura Puellas, Non babet hec alio Aentuls majus eo. Urilior Tidins, qui ( ſs quis credit Homero) Ingenio pugnax, Ccorpore paruus ret.

Att. Gen. DoCtor, Dottor, you are too partial in the caſe, not without ſaſpicion of being +bi- a('d by the extraordinary Fee his Mother gave you when the'Priſoner was born. |

Dr. P. Were it ſo Mr. Attorney, yet that's no: ſuch mighty thing to raiſe -a note of admira- tion upon in this Age, of any/otker | yet heard

_ of for (under the favour of this Honourable

C2 Court)

.* L ”

(34) Conrt) good Mr. Attorney , does not. every Client that gives his Council a ſwinging extra- ordinary Fee expect his aforeſaid Lawyer ſhould - ſtrain a point for him? If ſo, wherein lies the diſparity ? The Boy at Weſtminſter School was _ certainly in the right, when (thanking a late ' Lord Chancellor for ſeveral Guinea's his Lord- ſhip had given him for ſome extempore Verſes) be ſaid

Sic quoque Cauſidici vendere wverba ſolent.

Court. Forbear, you both forget your ſelves, and have loſt that reſpeCt is due from you to the Dignity of the Court,

« Priſoner, An't pleaſe your Honours, the Door is upon his Oath, and therefore 'cis ont of Mr. Attorney's Province to cenſure him at this rate, as if he aCted contrary to his Conſcience, of which neither he, nor the Court it ſelf (with ſubmiſſion) can poſlibly rake cognizance. Ir ſeems as if Mr. Att wou'd have no body take Bribes (or, when taken, do any thing for them) bur himſelf.

Court. Mr. O. Keep your ſelf within compaſs, and have acare of being Impertinent, leſt it turn to your prejudice. _

Priſoner. | thank your Honours, with all the fubmiſſon and profound reverence imaginable, | fortaking ſo much care of poor me and my Cauſe! Fove's Bleſſings attend you all for it !

Att. Gen. | hope the Court is fatisfy'd in the juſt deference and eſteem ] bear to it ; *tis my Zeal only to Truth that obliges me ts be thus

forward

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forward in deteCting all clandeſtine PraCtices are endeayour'd to be put upon the Court; in order whereunto, | ſhall (by leave of the Court) con- front; Dr. Prometheus's Evidence with anothers. Cryer, call Dr, Sams, who accordingly ap-

| pear'd, and was Sworn.

Art. Gen, Dr. Samus, Pray give an account to the Court, what you know concerning the Pri- ſoner at the Bar, in any reſpe&. Be

Dr.S. Truly (with ſubmiſſion to the Court) I muſt needs ſay, that I know nothing of the Priſoner at the Bar but by Tradition. 1 was ac- quainted with one Dr. Mags, a Man-midwife, who told me, that he nnderſtood by one of the

- Goſlips that was at the Birth of the Priſoner at

the Bar, that he was born a Monkey, but be- came in time fo cunning as to bite off his Tail, which with the care and fatigue of his Mother's teaching him'to walk upright, and indure being cloath'd, rendred him as like humane as you ſee. Befides=- | SS |

Priſoner. Hold thou antick traditional Bom- - baſt, offspring of the firſt Broacher of tgmental cogitative Abſurdities. And you-Mr. Attorney, is this your deference to the Court, and zeal to Truth, to trump a Story of a Cock and a Bull, and that toe.upon hear-ſay ? 1s this your way of detecting clandeſtine PraCtices againſt, by putting the moſt open bare-fac'd ohe upon the Court, a5 ever yet was known in any Age? Never auda- cious Fellow would impoſe ſo impudently upon a Court, or was ever any Court ſo dull ro fſuf-

fer it.

got Ate.

> 226; » TR 6 Oe v3 NE, TO OO OE © 0% ©» in X >” nn I Sendo” aid : L 2 4

Att. Gen, Extravagant: brutiſh Similes! —© Court. Forbear both of you. - Mr. 0. what» ever is deliver'd by way of Evidence againſt you, {hall. be look'd upon but as circumſtantial ; and therefore Mr. Attorgey we wou'd have you to wave this Evidence, and call ſuch as can ſpeak poſitively on their own knowledge. Cryer, Call Mr. Welbred, who appear'd and was Sworn. | Art. Gen. Pray Mr. Welbred give an account to the Court as to his Manners and pretenfions . to Poetry. | | Mr. Wekpred. Verily (with ſubmiſſion to the Court) as to his Manners he neyer had any, for I believe he was born. at Hogsnorton, where the Pigs play upan the Organs, for they ſay he hates _ thoſe Tweedledums mortally, and calls them with Scotch- Sawny, Babylonian Bag-pipesz and for his pretenſions to Poetry, as he is Dwarfiſh in Stature, ſo he is a very Pigmy at Verſifying 3 he is always quarrelling at the celebrated Mr. A- braham Cowly ( our ſecond Yirgil ) for rendring Findar into Engliſh, and thinks *twas a Labour mighs be very well ſpar'd, if he had not troubl'd his Head with that crabbed Greek Gentleman, for the very thoughts, of him puts him into a ſhaking Fir, for his {queamilh Stomach could never digeſt Greek Roots, and ſwears he mortally hates the. Pindarique Ode for his ſake : For he abominates Poetical flights, therefore his chief Talent lies in making Ballads, and for Plays the crabbed tor- menting Plots in them terrihe him ſo much that he vows he will never rack bis (hallow Pericr«- num with them ; ſometimes he fetches a ſtart to Lonaon Bridge, and ſells a two-penny Story | [£0]

AM. Ee. en BE 3. a 8

"accordingly apperd, and.was Sworn.

to the Cotrt, what you know ©

J=4Y Y ts IS. $4168 5 - \ Wink Eo £45: 2, '— : MY k - P05, 2h PORe RO ee REIN Ld RS IK Gf _— 44 a” (oy LE $3»:"Y » PE, As __ + WES

to his old Friend there, which ſupplies him with

' a little ready Rino ; and "if he ventute et ſome ittle Novel, the dulneſs of the Language makes

his Bookſeller curſe the Author, for it does nor defray the coſt of Paper, much leſs pay” hitn for

the charge of the Imprefſion': He has'no'mannec

of Genias for,Epigrams, thoſe lepida Epigrammata

are none of his Province, nor for Paſtoral Elegy,

or diverying Burleſque z he unfortunately at-

tempted once upon the Eampooning/'a' witty _

Gentleman, but did it ſo ſcurrilouſly, awkardly, and withal ſo dully, that the Gentlemanexercis'd

Mr. Crabtree Bacillum upon him very heartily, for uſurping that Province which Nature did not give him wit and ſence to manage : Indeed bis Chiefeſt Talent lies in compoſing ſuch fort of

Ballads, as Patient Grifſel, 'or old Chaucer's pgood- ly Ballad of our Lady, whoſe Title is uſually a moſt lamentable Example of the doleful Deſpe- ration of a miſerable Wordling, who atas? moſt wickedly forſook the Truth 'of God's' Gofpel,

for fear of the loſs of Life, and worldly Goods,

Cryer, Call' Mrs. Swighely the Ale-wife 3 who

ive an Account

Att. Gep. this Perſon ar

ray Mrs. Swighelly S

the Bar.

Fr

Swighelly. May it pleaſe this Honourable Court,

the Perſon at the Bar has a 'very impudent, 'do-

mineering way of calliog for Liquor, he will ſoak in a Publick-Houſe from Morning till Night,

Damn, and Curſe, and Heftor 'all my Family,

and Command them with: as much impudence as if they were his Foet-boys; he has run on my | C 4 Score

ERS SS

ty -AOEHE " ox: ar ies ke hs, 2 bd ER £

ng ( py > ) -

8 | |

Scare this half Year, but 1 have not ſeen one farthing of bis Money I'll be ſworn, never ſince he came into my Houſe, either for Lodging or ' Liquor, tho” he is as thirſty as a Fiſh, and eats like a Canibal. I believe the Man,(God bleſs us) is troubl'd with Maw-worms, for I am' ſure ſuch a ſwinging Appetite is enough to breed a Famine

where-ever he comes ;..as they. ſay, no Graſs

grows where the Grand. Seignjor's Horſe once ſets his Foo, RE. ' Att, Gen, Have you any thing more material to obje&t againſt him? __ ©

• Swigbelly. No, and pleaſe you, Sir.. |

Cryer,, Call Mrs. Swlphurbelch, the Aqua-vite Woman 3 who appear'd and was Sworn. Att,-Gen. Pray Mrs. Sulphurbelch ſpeak your knowledge of this. Perſon here at the Bar... |

Sulphyrbeleb. and it (pleaſe you the Priſoner 

at the Bar has run ſo far in my Debt for Aqua- vite and- Brandy, that I am almoſt ruin'd by

' him 3 beſides, he has horrow'd a conſiderable

Summ of Money of- me, and if the.Court does

not take my ſad Condition into their ſerious |

Canſideratian, I muſt be forc'd to. ſhut up'Shop, and my poor Children turn'd out of Doors as

Vagabonds ro beg their Bread. | | 

Mr, Attorney General having ſumm'd up the

Evidence in a conciſe and elegant Diſcourſe, gave the Jury their Charge, who went out for about the. ſpace of half an Hour, and broughr in the Priſoner, Guilty of the ſaid ſcandalous Crimes ' which had been plainly prov'd againſt him.

The

—

The Equrt being ſate, and Preclamation made for Silence, for all Perſons concern'd to draw © near and'give their Attendance. D. . a Female was call'd to the Bar.

Clerk of the Conrt. Cryer, make Proclamation.

Cryer. O yes, the Priſoner at the Bar ſtands here Indifted,let them come forth and they ſhall be heard, and all others that are bound by Recog- nizance to give Evidence againſt the Priſoner at he Bar, let them come forth and give their Evi-

ence.

Clerk, D. 24. Hold ap thy Hand. (Which ſhe did, ) You thatare Sworn look upon the Priſo- . ner at the Bar, and hearken to her Cauſe, ſhe ſtands Igdifted by the Name of D. 24. Spinſter, in. that ſhe very peremptorily, amtaris mutandy, againſt an expreſs Form in that caſe made and provided by Apollo and the Muſes, has Sacrilegi- ouſly uſurp'd that Province of Poetry no ways

longing nor appertaining unto her, for few Sappho's or Orinds's appear now upon the Stage, your Charge is to enquire whether ſhe be Guilty of the FaCt ſhe ſtands IndiCted, :or not Guilty. We muſt call our Witneſſes to prove this matter of Fat, whom I am in hopes will give you a full. account of this whole Affeair. ,

Attorney General, Call Mr. Tradewel, and Mr. Telltrroth. Who both appeared. |

Atr. Gen. Pray Mr. Tradewel, will you ac- quaint the Honourable Court with your know- ledge of this Gentlewoman. outs 4:

Tradewel. The Perſon at the- Bar 1 have been acquainted with for ſome time, for ſhe has lodg\d in my- Houſe theſe three quarters of a Year, ih eh ' is

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(a Ea nu _- th 3-23 LI No.

T7402

.is gay and pleaſant in her Humour 22d Conver- ation, and my Houſe is frequented ninch by Beans, and the like Sparks, who admire ber the more, becauſe they underſtand ihe deſigns to ſer up for a Wit ; as for ber Fame I believe it to be

none of the beſt, by reaſon ſhe keeps very unſeaſo-

nable Hours, and is a great frequenter of Tayerns

and Mulick-Houles, and the like es; and as for the product of her Feminine Wit, I know of none ſhe has publiſht, but a filly and idle account of her Journey into the Country, which if not

. nonſenſical, I am ſure is very fooliſh and Imper- tinent.

Soll, Gen. Call Mr. Teleroth. (Who appeared) Pray Mr. Teltroth acquaint the Court with your Knowledge of the Priſoner at the Bar.

_ Teltroth. 1 have been acquainted with the-Prj- ſoner at the Bar for ſome time, for 1am ſure ſhe is ſtill in- my. Books for a Piece or two of Silk ſhe bought. of me for Mantua's ; as likewiſe for

Eringes, Silk, and other trimming to make it up 3 

her Promiſes are very ſpecious and fair ; but it a Shop- keeper enters her once down- in his Book, ſhe uſually Ricks there for three or four Years, [8nd there's none dare Arreſt her, for the. has al- - Ways three or four Bullies at conmand, who will reſcue her, and will knock any Perſon down. that meddles with her; therefore. (which is no ſmall Vexation:to:a Tradeſman) tho' ſhe will run ex- travagantly in Debr, yer chere is no vexing of her, leſt in lieu of your Money it ſhould come to

-the Ears of theſe Bullies, and;you get ſome good | latl-

Baſtinado's over the Shoulders, inſtead. of 1atil faQtion, | As forhker Poetry, 1.can give but a very PE | flender

POR nin no T0” 06-00 S A SB A REED dd : "0 . i = E- Ky RE m_ I 2 X Ker DE es. 3. EBT :

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- - WEL L : by Das. % $4.3 Tat 553" ne 4A L L 7 Ss "Ee C

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F *. &? . oy . . fender Account'vt. has a-little ſmatt . - F >

Gery«s | think that way, upon the ſcore of Madri- gals and Sonnets, and hath Jately written a Tra- gedy, and but. 8-very indifferent: one in the Opi- nion .of -thoſe who are moſt competent Judges of things of that kind; but indeed. ſhe writcs like a ſelf.conceited, and opinionative Female, therefore I believe no body will envy her the good Opinion ſhe conceives of this Fruit of her Brain (for 'cis natural for all Poets, eſpecially Women, . tO be fond of their own Productions.) She ſays, the principal Objection made againſt her Tragedy is the warmth of it, as they are. pleas'd to call ir, which was too bold for the firſt flight ; bur gentle Love who'ſtood-ready to afford her an.eafie Con- queſt, did not-think it convenient t@ purine him too far, left her Laurel ſhould ſeem leſs graceful, for having made an entire Conqueſt : for fear ſhe fhould want able vouchers, you ſee ſhe proclaims her own Trivmph, and pretends the afperfons of her ſecret Enemies made it necellary ſhe ſhould write her own Apology, and is very ſorry that thoſe of her own Sex ſhould be fo far influenc'd by the Truth, to repreſent-their Thoughts can- didly, whick- plain dealing ſhe eſteems; to be ill- Nature, Envy, and Detra@ion, and a blaſting of that graceful: Layrel ſhe is ſo deſperately fond: of, . ard if no hody admires her, Narciffus like, ſhe* will be her own Idolater ; but certainly the prin- - cipal ObjeCtion againſt the Tragedy was not: the warmth'of it (for any Perſon who underſtands what Tragedy means, canvbot but he ſenſible that the principal deſign of it is to excite the Paſſions:) but 'rwas the jejune crade Expreſſions in it oy ER” 4 maGe

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fy'd in their Expe&tations, wherefore being condemn'd by the Ladies in the Boxes, who iate ſo attentively to-hear it, yet paſt ſo ſevere a Cenſure upon it, I can't tell where ſhe muſt ex- pe& a more favourable Jury to pafs Sentence upon her, than thoſe of her own Sex ; which ſeeing they were ſo dogmarical-in their Deter- mination, ſhe cannot expect a more favourable Cenſure from thoſe Eagle ey'd Criticks who will make ſevere Animadverſions upon the leaſt Im- perfeCttions. |

Attorney General. Mr. Teliroth, have you any other material Evidence to inform the Honourable Court, touching the Priſoner at

the Bar.

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made the Ladies ſit ſo unconcern'd at it; who in - lien of Diverſion found themſelves Lumpilf and Melancholy, and went away extreamly diſlatis- * -.

Tell-croth, No, I have no more to ſay, what

] have ſaid, I leave it to your - ſerious Conſi- deration, | look upon my Evidence to be home and' pertinent. - |

Soll. Gen, If there are any more Evidences to be Sworn, let them be call'd.

Clerk. No there is no more which I know of,

concern'd in this Tryal. Then the Jury withdrew to conſider of their Verdict, and after a'quarter of an Hours ab-

- ſence from the Court, return'd, and gave in

their Verdict, Guilty,

The Auguſt Court being afſembl'd in the Af- ternoan, and Proclamation made - for Silence, for all Perſons concern'd to draw near and give

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their Attendance. 44. P., Another Female was. ſet to the Bar. h ;

Clerk, Cryer make Proclamation.

Cryer.. O yes, Q yes, O yes, The Priſoner at the Bar ſtands here Indited, let them come forth and they ſhall be heard, and all others that are ſtrictly bound by Recognizance to give Evi- dence againft the Priſoner at the Bar, let them come forth and give their Evidence. |

Clerk, 24. P. Hold up thy Hand. (Which ſhe did.) Gentlemen, you that are Sworn, look upon the Priſoner. at the Bar, and hearken to her Cavſe, ſhe ſtands Indiged by the Name of 44. P. Spinſter, in that ſhe very pertinaciouſly, mali- pertly, unjuſtly, and peremptorily, zwtaris. m- randis, againſt a dire and- expreſs Form in that caſe ſtritly injoyn'd and provided by Apolo and the Nine Muſes, hath unworthily, fraudulently, and facrilegiouſly uſurpt, in ſpight of her Stars, the Province of Poetry, no ways belonging nor appertaining to her, your Charge is to make ſtri&t Charge and Inquiry, whether (he be guilty of the FaCt ſhe ſtands Indicted for or not Guilty. We muſt call our Witneſles to prove the Matter of FaR alledg'd againſt her, which we hope will be ſatisfaftory. -

Ate. Gen, Call Mr. Sriffrump into the Court. Who appeared. |

Att. Gen, Pray Mr. Stiffrump will you ac- | quaint the Honourable Court. with your Know- | ledge of this Gentlewoman the Priſoner at the Bar. res | Stiffrpmp. The Female at the Bar I have been acquainted with for ſome conſiderable a= there-

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\ Ta) | therefore can give” the better Account-of her, the firſt Venture ſhe expos'd unto publick View: was a Novel,. a very barren Difcourfe, abound- ing with neither. Language nor -Jotrigue , for- nith'd out at the Bookſcller's Charge, but 1 am very confident will not defray 'the expence of the Impreſſion. Her next attempt to ſhew her Wir was: upon Comedy, which Play was damy'd in the Action, ' and which ſhe owns in the Preface - was:no more than ſhe expected, and confeſles, that: making of Plays is a Province no ways proper for ,the Female Sex to be concern'd in,

_ and 'owns, that ſhe had not time to peruſe it ex- altly; to examine the Plots or Language of it, it being compos'd in a few Weeks time, and conſequently very raw and uncorreCt, and leſs fic to appear upon the Stage before-the fevere . Criticks of the Age, with whom a heavy in- fſipid Comedy is every way as unpardonable as dull Farce, muſt expe ro be: hiſt: off the Stage, in lieu of a plandite from the preſent Spectators: But makes a fad Complaint, that her firſt Attempts of this Nature ſhould meer with ſo. much diſcouragement, thro* her owns Carcleſneſs, -for want of good Humour and Plot (the great excellencies of a Comedy) was the: real occaſion of it: She wiſhes ſhe was Mi- ſtriſs of Eloquence, Rhetorick, and all the ex- quilite Perfeftions of the Pen ; but her Fears are | bur coo juſt, that' when the Cloſet-pernſal ſhall make an exaCt ſcrutiny into it, *'twill diſcover the Woman, the imperfect Woman there, however otherwiſe'apt ro flatter her ſelf with her own natural Parts and Abilities ; and thar

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(4s) . the perufal will prove tireſome, like: a dull re-! peated Tale. 4 IO, | Sol.Gen. Call Praiſegod Barebones into the Court. Who In ES E149 6 . Soll. Gen, Pray Sir, will you inform the Court of your cauſe of Knowledge of this Gentlewo- man the Priſoner at the Bar. | Prajſegod Barchanes. My cauſe of Knowledge of the Priſoner is this, ſhe lodg'd in my Houſe for the fpace of two- Years, during which time ſhe Printed a Tragedy call'd Ibrahim, but fo: very incorreCt and ull-penn'd, that it will not paſs mufter among the indifferent ones : . There was one intolerable Blunder -committed in miſtaks ing the Emperor's Name, which is unpardon- able, but (he hopes /no one will be ſo unkind to Criticize upon what falls from a Woman's Pen, as if that Sex commits Errors, that.was a ſuffi- cient Aſylum to -protet her, when by her own Confeſſion, the miſtake being ſo groſs, it might-. as well be call'd, Sir Limberham the Fhirteench; as /brahim the Thirteenth ; but ſhe confelles, ſhe truſted too far to her Memory ; and then-the miſchief on's was, the poor Creature: not fees ing Sir Paul Ricant's continuation of the Tarkiſf Hiſtory till the Play was Printed, all che Mur- der came out, and then in good -time ſhe tells you very gravely, ſhe found Jbrahim was the ewelith Emperor : Certainly at this rate her Poetry and Skill in Hiſtory may' go together, for our Female would undoubtedly make a curious Writer of Annals, as well as a good Tragedian ; but ſhe was pleas'd with the Story, . and ventur'd to write upon't , and therefore | | hopes

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hopes the good-natur'd World will excuſe the Feminine Blunder, tho' it was as groſs a one as the.Bull-maker of Windſor's.

The Jury withdrew to conſider of their Ver- diCt, and after a quarter of an Hour's ſtaying, return'd, and gave in their Verdict.

Then the Court proceeded to give Sentence:

Clerk, Gentlemen anſwer to your Names. Fohx Truemay.

Truman. Here. | _- Clerk, Gentlemen are you all agreed of your Verdict. h |

Fury. Yes. |

Clerk. Who ſhall ſay for you ?

Fury, Our Foreman,

Clerk, T. D. Hold up thy Hand. (Which he did.) Look upon the Priſoner, how ſay you? Is he Guilty of the high Miſdemeanours whereof he ſtands Indicted, or not Guilty ?

_ Foreman, Guilty.

Apollo. - Our Sentence is, that for his- Mortifi-

cation he 1s to be toſs'd in a Blanket.

Clerk.of the Crown, E: S. E. S. Here. | | Clerk. E.S. Hold up thy Hand. (Which he did.) - Look upon the Priſoner at the Bar, how fay you ? is he Guilty of the high Miſdemeanors whereof he ſtands IndiCted, or not Guilty ? _ Foreman, Guilty. ]

Apolls,

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Clerk, ER. add. thy Hand, CWhith

he did.) Look heedfully upon the- Priſoner at the Bar, how ſay you? Is he Guilty of the _ |

high Miſdemeanors w creof he REI or not Guilry: 2. Foremen,':Gui ": poll, Mis : Sentence is /f0.: ard fix fol Holy: in | 4: Mackare-Boat'-at ingigmte's end «l the Women _ ſl wy - - rings,

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Clerk, ME. P. hold up thy Hands ſhe Gl); Look upon the Prilone,