Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies  

"But how can masochistic scenarios or fantasies of sexual self-abasement provide a sense of safety or mastery to a person who has been actually physically hurt or sexually terrorized? The answer is complex. One essential aspect of a sexually masochistic fantasy is that the pain and helplessness are voluntarily created and experienced. The helplessness is not real. The masochist is always in control of the type, duration, and degree of pain that she or he endures. The adult indulging in a fantasy of sexual surrender or abasement is actually saying to her or himself: “I’m recreating a terrifying and traumatic scene, but this time I’m in control because I’m scripting the scene as much as my partner is.”"--Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies (2002) by Michael J. Bader