Love–hate relationship  

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 +[[Image:466px-Yin yang.svg.png|thumb|right|200px|[[Yin and yang]]]]
{{Template}} {{Template}}
-A '''love-hate relationship''' is a [[interpersonal relationship|personal relationship]] between [[human]]s or organizations, or figuratively between a [[human]] and an [[inanimate|inanimate object]] , like a [[computer]], a field of study, a body of ideas, or a profession, involving simultaneous or alternating [[emotion]]s of [[love]] and [[enmity]]. This relationship can, but does not have to be of a [[Romantic love|romantic]] nature. +A '''love–hate relationship''' is an [[interpersonal relationship]] involving simultaneous or alternating [[emotion]]s of [[love]] and [[hate]] – something particularly common when emotions are intense.
-This can also be simplified to say the person loves the other person/object, but hates oneself for it.+The term is used frequently in [[psychology]], popular writing and [[journalism]]. It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts, as well as those of a [[Romantic love|romantic]] nature or between [[Sibling relationship|siblings]] and parents/children.
-The term comes from the way one may love the object or person one moment, and yet the next moment feel great rage or [[hatred]] for it. As a colloquial expression, if someone says "I have a love-hate relationship with legal studies", what the person is trying to express is a marked [[ambivalence]] about his study of the law; parts of it are attractive, while other aspects are personally repellent. +In common parlance, it is often said that their is a thin line between love and hate, seeing it as a [[Balance (metaphysics)|balance]].
-A love-hate relationship often occurs when people have completely lost the [[intimacy]] within a loving relationship, yet still retain some [[passion (emotion)|passion]] for, or perhaps some [[commitment]] to each other.+==Psychological roots==
 +A love-hate relationship has been linked to the occurrence of emotional [[ambivalence]] in early childhood; (Sigmund Freud, ''[[On Metapsychology]]'') to conflicting responses by different [[Transactional analysis|ego states]] within the same person; or to the inevitable co-existence of [[Psychological egoism|egoistic]] conflicts with the object of love.
-An [[addiction]] is also a kind of love-hate relationship. Another symptom of a love-hate relationship is one in which there remains a high degree of [[sexual intimacy]], but the emotional intimacy has degraded or vanished altogether. Some in these circumstances have observed that the overall emotional feeling is not wholly unlike an actual [[drug addiction]].+[[Narcissism|Narcissists]] have been seen as particularly prone to aggressive reactions towards love objects, not least when issues of self-identity are involved: in extreme instances, hate at the very existence of the [[other]] may be the only emotion felt, until love breaks through behind it.
-The couple usually holds a weak grudge, resentment or bitterness towards one another creating a feud between emotional depression and [[happily ever after]]. The relationship is held together by the hatred each person conjures when feeling incomparable to the other's perfection. This anger is the cover up for the ''"love"'' part of the relationship because the couple dislikes social knowledge of the affair. The hate is also powered by the teasing of each person while the frustration reaches its maximum level through the restriction on releasing their sexual tension and intimacy.+Research from [[Yale University]] suggests love–hate relationships may be the result of poor [[self-esteem]].
-However the relationship may be held together entirely by insecurity; the people in the relationship may believe that (for some reason or another) they are "unable to live without" one another, and knowing no other existence but with each other, choose the certainty of staying together over the risk of leaving. The two people in such a relationship are totally incompatible, but believe that they are both with the best person for themselves that they are going to get.+==Celebrities==
-It can be argued that, due to the fact that the subjects love each other despite issues they have, a love hate relationship actually represents a stronger bond than a simple love relationship does. Also since a constant hatred is felt, any new issues which emerge are unlikely to put the relationship in jeopardy.+The term is sometimes employed by writers to refer to relationships between celebrity couples who have been divorced, then who reunite (notably [[Elizabeth Taylor]] and [[Richard Burton]], or [[Eminem]] and Kimberly Scott), as well as to their relationship with fame itself.
 + 
 +==Development==
 + 
 +A love-hate relationship may develop when people have completely lost the [[intimacy]] within a loving relationship, yet still retain some [[passion (emotion)|passion]] for, or perhaps some [[promise|commitment]] to, each other, before degenerating into a hate-love relationship leading to divorce.
 + 
 +==Friendship==
 +[[Sigmund Freud]] said of himself that “an intimate friend and a hated enemy have always been indispensable to my emotional life...not infrequently...friend and enemy have coincided in the same person”. (Quoted in Ernest Jones, ''[[The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud]]'').
 + 
 +[[Aristotle]] warned of the conflicts that can arise from conflicting claims within friendships. A related theme is "obligatory [[friendship]]", where one party usually feels indebted to another and forges a friendship but still holds a [[grudge]] over a particular past disappointment or set of disappointments, while the "creditor" in the relationship agrees to the nature of the relationship often for security reasons, but remains aware of the "debtor's" grudge and feels counter-indebted until the cause of the grudge is sufficiently overcome.
 + 
 +==Culture==
 + 
 +*[[Catullus]] introduced the love-hate theme into Western culture with his famous lines: “I hate and yet love. You may wonder how I manage it. I don't know, but feel it happen, and am in torment”.
 + 
 +*The concept of a love-hate relationship is frequently used in teen [[romance novels]] where two characters are shown to "hate" each other, but show some sort of affection or attraction towards each other at certain points of the story – particularly in the context of the romance between a good girl and a [[Bad boy (archetype)|bad boy]], or a good boy and a bad girl.
 + 
 +==En-dash==
 +The term ''love–hate relationship'' has been used in several books on writing as an example of the use of the [[en dash]].
==List of famous love-hate relationships in fiction== ==List of famous love-hate relationships in fiction==
-*[[Aristophanes]] and [[Euripides]] -"[[Frogs]] and Poet and the women +*[[Aristophanes]] and [[Euripides]] - ''[[Frogs]]'' and ''[[Thesmophoriazusae]]''
*Benedick and Beatrice - [[Shakespeare]]'s ''[[Much Ado About Nothing]]'' *Benedick and Beatrice - [[Shakespeare]]'s ''[[Much Ado About Nothing]]''
*[[Elizabeth Bennet]] and [[Fitzwilliam Darcy]] - ''[[Pride and Prejudice]]'' *[[Elizabeth Bennet]] and [[Fitzwilliam Darcy]] - ''[[Pride and Prejudice]]''
Line 25: Line 45:
*[[Tyler Durden]] and Marla Singer - ''[[Fight Club]]'' *[[Tyler Durden]] and Marla Singer - ''[[Fight Club]]''
*Vladimir and Estragon in ''[[Waiting for Godot]]'' by [[Samuel Beckett]] *Vladimir and Estragon in ''[[Waiting for Godot]]'' by [[Samuel Beckett]]
- +*[[Catullus 85]]
-==Further reading==+
-*[[Psychoanalytic concepts of love and hate]]+
-*''The Origins of Love and Hate'' (1910 - 1965) - [[Ian Dishart Suttie]]+
-*''(Per)versions of Love and Hate'' (1998) - [[Renata Salecl]]+
==See also== ==See also==
 +*[[Actaeon]]
*[[Ambivalence]] *[[Ambivalence]]
-*[[Love]]+*[[Borderline personality disorder]]
-*[[Love triangle]]+*[[Codependence]]
 +*[[Crime of passion]]
 +*[[Eros and Thanatos]]
 +*[[Femme fatale]]
 +*[[False dilemma]]
 +*[[Frenemy]]
*[[Hate]] *[[Hate]]
*[[Jealousy]] *[[Jealousy]]
-*[[Crime of passion]]+*[[Love]]
 +*[[Love triangle]]
 +*[[Madonna–whore complex]]
 +*[[Opposites attract]]
 +*[[Petrarch]]
 +*[[Private Lives]]
 +*[[Psychoanalytic concepts of love and hate]]
 +*[[Sibling rivalry]]
 +* [[Splitting (psychology)]]
 + 
 + 
 + 
{{GFDL}} {{GFDL}}

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A love–hate relationship is an interpersonal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and hate – something particularly common when emotions are intense.

The term is used frequently in psychology, popular writing and journalism. It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts, as well as those of a romantic nature or between siblings and parents/children.

In common parlance, it is often said that their is a thin line between love and hate, seeing it as a balance.

Contents

Psychological roots

A love-hate relationship has been linked to the occurrence of emotional ambivalence in early childhood; (Sigmund Freud, On Metapsychology) to conflicting responses by different ego states within the same person; or to the inevitable co-existence of egoistic conflicts with the object of love.

Narcissists have been seen as particularly prone to aggressive reactions towards love objects, not least when issues of self-identity are involved: in extreme instances, hate at the very existence of the other may be the only emotion felt, until love breaks through behind it.

Research from Yale University suggests love–hate relationships may be the result of poor self-esteem.

Celebrities

The term is sometimes employed by writers to refer to relationships between celebrity couples who have been divorced, then who reunite (notably Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, or Eminem and Kimberly Scott), as well as to their relationship with fame itself.

Development

A love-hate relationship may develop when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other, before degenerating into a hate-love relationship leading to divorce.

Friendship

Sigmund Freud said of himself that “an intimate friend and a hated enemy have always been indispensable to my emotional life...not infrequently...friend and enemy have coincided in the same person”. (Quoted in Ernest Jones, The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud).

Aristotle warned of the conflicts that can arise from conflicting claims within friendships. A related theme is "obligatory friendship", where one party usually feels indebted to another and forges a friendship but still holds a grudge over a particular past disappointment or set of disappointments, while the "creditor" in the relationship agrees to the nature of the relationship often for security reasons, but remains aware of the "debtor's" grudge and feels counter-indebted until the cause of the grudge is sufficiently overcome.

Culture

  • Catullus introduced the love-hate theme into Western culture with his famous lines: “I hate and yet love. You may wonder how I manage it. I don't know, but feel it happen, and am in torment”.
  • The concept of a love-hate relationship is frequently used in teen romance novels where two characters are shown to "hate" each other, but show some sort of affection or attraction towards each other at certain points of the story – particularly in the context of the romance between a good girl and a bad boy, or a good boy and a bad girl.

En-dash

The term love–hate relationship has been used in several books on writing as an example of the use of the en dash.

List of famous love-hate relationships in fiction

See also





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